Floundering about
In search of, what?
Stability
A feeling of the world beneath my feet
Shifting in predictable procession, not
Seismic leaps
Insight
Some faint perception of
Habitual patterns
The consequences of my acts
Compassion
For concentric circles of all living things
Impinging on my world
And (hardest of all) myself
Humph. Fifty years of going it alone and not much change
Books, and lectures, theories, books and books
At last, I’m driven to concede
Despite my dogged independence
I need a teacher
Not out in the world
But centered in my heart
Who knows my inner darkness, stratagems, evasions
Sees thru my feline pretense of “I meant it to come out that way”
Won’t let me glide past problems with my clever words
Gently merciless, relentless
Accepting no excuses
Believing that I give my best
And firmly asking more
And look,
Despite my lack of faith
The world sends me what I need
Be careful what you wish for….
Growing pains are hell
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"Compassion for ... (hardest of all) myself" I wrote a longish comment on this post only to have it vanish into the ether when I hit a wrong button. Hard to find the needed self compassion in this instant!!
ReplyDeleteFunny, I was commenting on the line here I like best "my feline pretense of 'I meant it to come out that way'" I definitiely did not mean for that vanishing act of my thoughts to come out that way. But maybe that was supposed to happen. Maybe those thoughts needed a little more gestation. I love that feline line. I can so much see my feline-ish arrogant-seeming nature in wanting to feign acceptance to achieve transcendence. So hard to know how to find the balance between acceptance and striving against and against perceived wrongs in the world. I suppose the catch is knowing the difference (or indifference) between "me" and "the world". But considering that leads me deep into a koan that I seem as yet incapable of escaping. Thank you for sharing your rapier to help me cut away a little of that cloudiness in my mind.
Have a good weekend. Do you know about the TED webcast of the Vancouver Peace Summit with the Dalai Lamma this Sunday at 4:00. http://www.ted.com/webcast/watch/event/peacesummit
Love, Rob