Day Residue

Composite fragments of the
Competition
Weave a night of dreams

Random play back:
Icy seep into my sock
Shards of broken blade
The musk and funk of
Multiple bananas &
Stab of cramps that come
Regardless

Threaded in a fictionalized net of
Wishful replay
Alt endings that will
Never change the past:
The crucial parry, made in time
The final touch—on-target
A brilliant strategy un-marred by
Faulty execution

Studded with random sweet, true snapshots:
A subtle disengage, and lunge
A sneaky squirm
A deadly long attack that springs from
God knows where
Certainly not practice

Acute embarrassments
Stutter and repeat
With perfect clarity
And merciless detail

Surfacing from sleep
The story thins
Gauzy details shred and
Reambiguate

Groping for the light
My hand closes on the cold, hard
Truthful
Outcome of the day

Proof that there is hope, along with
Ample room for improvement

Covering

Sternly told to stay aloft
Stay back, stay put, stay
Still, the shoulder rolls,
The hand sneaks down…
The yellow card comes out

Despite my firm intent to
Lock your gaze as I drop down
My head turns turtle & I
Lead with my thick skull instead of
Tender nose

Atavistic instincts of defense
Deeply embedded in
The neural net:
Protect the face, the belly button
Family jewels

I try to reassure my fragile parts that
All is safe, that
They can trust the jacket
Plastron, chest protector
Mask

But lack a certain
Credibility
(Evidence my stash of
Wraps, pads, braces
Bandages and tape)

So now and then they elect to deploy
Extreme defense against the
Maniacs hell bent to chase them
Down the strip
And off

They don’t give a damn for penalties, alas
So whack away! Perhaps a bruise or two will prod them to obey

A Baker's Diagnostic

No nuts no spice no
Raisins, simply
Oats and sugar goodness

Smokey chocolate depths
Infused with
Alcoholic bite

Complexity
Sophisticated hints of coriander,
Cardamom and mace

Solid Americana,
Pumpkin, molasses,
Sugar = brown (of course)

Chock full o’ health
And calories: almonds, walnuts
Honey, oat bran, dates

Basic & dependable,
Chocolate chip with cinnamon
A little bit of chew

A cookie Myers-Briggs
Confronted with this plenitude
Which would you choose?

To Coach

(On the occasion of Henry Harutunian’s 40th anniversary of coaching at Yale)

Balanced at the end of strip
Out of room
Out of breath
Grasping for solutions

Coming from behind
Summoning my courage
Creativity and
Resolution

Comforting myself, vowing to do
Better, Try
Harder and yet
Not beat myself up

It’s
Your voice
I hear
Cheering from the side

I owe you more than ever I can pay, and so I simply give

My thanks, and love

Reflections (after fencing 4 fifteen touch bouts)

I am only happiness
When
Bliss is struggling to break
The bounds of impropriety and
Clash
With expectations

I am only bliss when
Being thrashed
With beauty and with
Grace
And sometimes can respond with
Bright riposte

I am thrashed with
Happiness
And grace when pushed so hard
My mind breaks free and
Sometimes,
Sometimes, my heart sings,
The target pierced

I rest

Threshold

Each blade,
Secure within its sheath
Fold jacket, knickers, plastron
Neatly in the eager bag
(Smelling improbably sweet)
Turn the lamé inside out
And roll

Check the e-kit
Ibuprofen
Bandages and tape
Ice pack
Heat pack
More tape
Vodka

Judiciously select a jelly
(Peach)
And butter (Almond/flax)
To slather on the bread
Sequester treats
Chocolate, nuts, banana
Pack the cookie box
Stow everything secure and…

That’s it
The last things under my control

Tonight I sleep
Or not
Tomorrow night I’ll undo
All that I have done today
Unpack, wash, repair and rest

And in between? Unknowable and
Unforeseen

Too bad
You can’t cram for a competition

Genesis

Salt to a wound
Sand to a pearl
Nucleus of inspiration

Sometimes, you teach,
The greatest leaps
Begin with irritation

And so you poke
And nip
And goad
To spur my education

Though you mean well
I often feel
Primarily frustration

Perhaps we could
Try adding in
Sporadic relaxation?

Pranayama

One breath
Mind stills, centered on my blade
One breath
First step, entering the fray
One breath
Test, watch, dance, explore
One breath
Tease, bait—feint? Ignore…
One breath
Bounce, glide, jump forward, back
One breath
In this moment, now…attack!

Letting Go

For all our plotting, planning
Practice
Earnest application
We don’t write the script
We play upon the piste

Fate dishes out surprises
Setbacks, consolations
Occasionally jewels of perfect action
Shining from a muddy bout
All the more delightful, being
Undeserved

We none of us command our victories
We tumble to them
Opening to grace
Pleasantly surprised by
What leaps out

It’s harder to appreciate
The value of defeat
Coinage in the bank of wisdom
Invested in improvement
Bearing interest only slowly, over time

And so I listen to the whiskey-rough & Jaggered voice of truth:
Bling is great, but even when I don’t get what I want
It may just be exactly what I need

Regression

I’m ashamed to
Act this way
Schoolyard pettiness
Kindergarten cliques
Junior highjinks

Never quite available when
You come up to bout
Drift away to tape my blade
Upon your approach
Always on
Some other strip

All beneath my dignity
—ok, beneath my age—

But I can’t stop

I conclude it’s
Chemical
Embedded in some primal
Crevasse of my brain
We simply do not synch

Best I can manage is to cover with some
Modicum of grace
What I can’t reform

Knowing I should thank you for
This lesson on
Attachment, and aversion
The very human nature of
The pack, the herd
Sneeches seeking stars
Who’s in, who’s out

Remembering that boundaries shift—
And in the past, I’ve been the one left ghosting on the other side